Here & there: Wanted for Christmas crimes

A crop of the Dayton Family Christmas card for 2017 | Photo courtesy of Kat Dayton, St. George News

FEATURE — My love of Christmas cards is heady. If presents and mistletoe and cookie swaps all disappeared and I was left only with a stack of cards from friends, I would be OK.

Alan Dayton and his “crime” as seen in the Dayton Family Christmas card. Salt Lake City, Utah, December 2017 | Photo courtesy of Kat Dayton, St. George News

I like them when they are fun. I like them when they are sappy. I like them when they are show-only-the-best-parts-of-my-life rosy. I like them when they are here-is-my-kid-picking-her-nose-in-the-middle-of-our-family-picture real.

I like the connection. I like to see the faces of people I love. I like to hear about their lives.

I like the effort it takes to make a card, adorn it with an address and stamp, and place it in a mailbox. It says something intentional, which I like best of all.

My husband had a brilliant idea for our family Christmas card this year: feature each member of the family holding a letter board articulating his/her biggest “crime” in 2017. Think of it as a series of friendly mugshots to greet our friends and family.

His crime? Putting regular fuel in our diesel-fueled rental car in Romania last month. The good thing is that it sputtered to a stop while we were in sight of the car return. The bad news is that it was 4:30 AM and airport security was very skeptical about the vehicle – and my husband. And we have yet to get the repair bill.

My crime? Accidentally taking our family to a burlesque show in Paris for Thanksgiving. Yes, you read that correctly: a burlesque show.

Of the show, my ten-year-old provided this analysis: “I’ve done a lot of Thanksgivings in my time but this is the only one I’ll remember.”

How did I accidentally take my family to a burlesque show, you ask? I mean, technically I took them to the show on purpose. It was the burlesque part that was the accident. And I will claim that until the end.

Kat Dayton and her “crime” as seen in the Dayton Family Christmas card. Salt Lake City, Utah, December 2017 | Photo courtesy of Kat Dayton, St. George News

Here’s how it happened. We found ourselves in Paris on Thanksgiving as we made our way back to the states following my oldest son’s international gymnastics competition and some subsequent travel.

We were tired. I’d been pickpocketed on the flight in from Bucharest. Two of my boys were feeling a little sad about missing all of the homey Thanksgiving traditions with family and friends.

We needed something special to do that night.

I Googled our options and found, among many faux American Thanksgivings available, that Moulin Rouge had a special dinner and show. They even listed children’s tickets.

The YouTube videos I found looked tame enough. I called the theater and they reassured me it was totally appropriate for children of all ages. Even American ones.

And luck beyond luck, they had some last-minute cancellations enough to accommodate the whole family.

Dinner was fabulous. The show started with dancing and singing and sparkles and feathers – and bare boobs. Lots and lots of bare boobs.

I’d expected one or two pair perhaps over the course of the show. This was France, after all. We’d been to their beaches before. And we’d been to the Musée d’Orsay earlier in the day where we saw several nudes in the works of Manet and Degas.

But I hadn’t quite expected this.

My eight-year-old leaned over to me as the first act waned and articulated my worst fear: he did notice all the boobs. “There are just too many of them, mom.”

Along with the mugshots on our family Christmas card, mine front and center, the closing message reads, “From our family of ‘criminals’ to yours. May you have love, joy and forgiveness this season.”

In the end, isn’t that what Christmas is really about? Jesus and love and forgiveness. I’m hoping for my sake it is.

Kat Dayton is a columnist for St. George News, any opinions given are her own and not representative of St. George News.

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Twitter: @STGnews

Copyright St. George News, LLC, 2017, all rights reserved.

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1 Comment

  • desertgirl December 24, 2017 at 2:17 pm

    lol Thanks for the laughs. Merry Christmas; sorry there is no card.

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